The Ultimate Christmas Movie: Die Hard - Can't Stop the Movies
Can't Stop the Movies

The Ultimate Christmas Movie: Die Hard

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December is a time to sit down with loved ones and watch your favorite Christmas movies, which will warm the cockles of your heart.  Everybody has different traditions and movies they like to watch.  You might watch Holiday Inn while trimming the tree, or take part in TBS 24 hour marathon of A Christmas Story.  For me, I don’t feel like Christmastime has begun until I put in the ultimate Christmas movie, Die Hard.

Yes, I mean Die Hard the action movie staring Bruce Willis fighting terrorists in a building.  Many of you might scoff and say that while Die Hard might take place on Christmas it is not a Christmas movie.  With that I say pa-shaw my friends, Die Hard can stand toe to toe with any Christmas movie from It’s a Wonderful Life to Elf because it is chock full of Christmas lessons and clichés of holiday films.

Family Togetherness- Classic Christmas films like Home Alone and It’s a Wonderful Life all deal with family being the most important thing in the world, and not knowing how much they are loved until they are gone.  John McClane is a stubborn man and lets his wife and kids leave without putting up a fight or following them.  Only later does he realize the mistake he has made and is willing to do anything to be able to spend the holiday season with his loved ones. And that means even killing numerous terrorists with guns, fists, bombs and throwing them out of buildings.  Nothing will stop McClane from reaching his goal, not the roof blowing up, FBI agents shooting at him from helicopters or 80’s yuppies hitting on his wife in front of him.  In the end Die Hard is all about family togetherness, and isn’t that what Christmas is all about?

McClane is full of the holiday spirit.

Setting the Mood- Die Hard has a man dressed up as Santa and even gives his friends a message about who has a machine gun.  We have a new telling of the classic poem The Night Before Christmas by the one and only  “the quarterback is toast” computer hacker Theo. His line reading “Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, except... the four assholes coming in the rear in standard two-by-two cover formation” stirs up all those feeling of listening to this story in front of the fireplace. For these reasons alone, Die Hard helps get you in the Christmas spirit, but it ups this to a new level by playing RUN DMC’s Christmas Chestnut, “Christmas in Hollis.”  If the sound of Run DMC rapping over a generic but funky Christmas beat does not get you in the mood to deck the halls I don’t think anything will.

Important Lessons Learned- In every Christmas movie the main characters have to learn very important lessons.  No matter how good or bad the film might be, a lesson will be learned damnet.  It might range from learning a toy isn’t as important as being there for your children, to believing in magic or the Christmas spirit is the most magical thing there is.  Die Hard is loaded to the brim with lessons that the characters learned through out the movie that all of us can apply to the real world.

  • Taking your shoes off after a flight relaxes you, but put the shoes back on before fighting terrorists or painful glass stepping will occur.
  • If you kill a guy make sure his brother is not around and is a 7 foot tall man experiencing roid rage.  If this man does exist, do not leave his body until you make sure he is 100% dead.
  • Just because you are good at corporate takeovers does not mean you are able to handle European terrorists and if you have the hubris to even try you will probably end up dead.
  • If shooting a 13-year-old kid scars you, the best way to get your mojo back is to put many bullets into a crazed man named Karl.
  • Jumping off the top of a building with a fire hose is not a great idea.
  • Always check the back of your adversary because he might have taped a gun to his back with wrapping supplies.

    Running away from giant explosion, what image is more full of holiday spirit than that?

Christmas movies should include all of the previous areas and Die Hard does that efficiently and effectively.  What makes it the ultimate Christmas movie is it does all that and also finds time to include numerous explosions, violent deaths, humor and even the occasional nude woman and that my friends is a true Christmas miracle.  For all you out there that only can see Miracle of 34th Street or A Christmas Carol as holiday films, I have one thing to say to you, and it starts with Yippee-Ki-Yay.

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Posted by Ryan

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