Commentary: Can't Stop the Keywords - Can't Stop the Movies
Can't Stop the Movies
1Jan/110

Commentary: Can’t Stop the Keywords

Danny no longer writes for Can't Stop the Movies, and can be reached at his fantastic site Pre-Code.com

Danny COMMENTARYAs we draw to a close the end of our first calendar year here at Can't Stop the Movies, I thought I'd take you, our daring reader, aside to thank you for your patronage. Thank you!

That being said, I'd like to not thank some people, namely those that came to our website under false pretenses. And that is why I have compiled this list of the strangest search phrases people have found our website under in 2010, as well as a few answers to questions that Google unreasonably believed that we possessed. Let's start with the odd:

little mr serry and mr bump at the movies of toy story 3

If that person speaks English, then I don't know what. Then we have stuff like:

all the old best car street race movies with weird cars

That's technically Death Race 2000, bub. We get people looking for quotes like this one:

a gentleman does not face his rival deprived of his trousers

... and I think that I will surprise no one when I say those keywords led them to an article written by Andrew. Then there's keywords like

aya aya can't stop film

which sounds like an awesome theme song for this site. Andrew knows the guitar, he'll get on it. I never understood why people type website addresses into Google (the address bar is right there), but when you have something like

beat apron movies.com

then it's little wonder since that website doesn't seem to exist. Yet. There's some good conceptual ideas presented in the keywords, like

alien orphan specials

or

film about a car that can not stop

And I'd be completely remiss if I left off my favorite one of them all:

audrey hepburn eccentric deer

If that isn't the name of a new biography about her, I'll be sorely disappointed. But a lot of these are just questions. Questions shouted into the void of Google in hopes of finding an answer! In desperation those keywords brought them here; unfortunately, that doesn't mean our site actually had those answers... until now.

a car chase in the future with a red corvette

Okay, maybe not this one. Cherry 2000, maybe? No, wait, that was a Mustang. There was also Firebird 2015 AD but that was about, well, a Firebird. If I had to guess, I'd split the difference and say you're looking for Corvette 2007.

get him to the greek 3some scene youtube

Look at this guy! Can't even search in YouTube, and, even then, you're looking on YouTube for what sounds like a sex scene. No help for you.

why do i need to see the bottom letters to god

Please, please tell me someone wasn't actually searching for the lyrics to a song from Letters to God. The universe is not so cruel.

are red headed woman stupid

Well, this is a fine question, young man or woman. Based on the empirical evidence of my life wherein I've known two (2) red headed women, one was studying to be a brain surgeon and the other was a crackhead, I'd say there's about a 50-50 shot of red headed woman being stupid. Next question!

does jonathan sperry die at the end

He was a fictional character, so, yes he died, but his cause of death was 'need for a third act for the film'.

what movies does date night make fun of?

I was going to consult with Andrew on this one, but the mere mention of that film leaves him curled in a corner excreting all manner of bodily fluids. Suffice to say, 'satire', as a concept, has nothing to do with Date Night.

is will ferrell in "beverly hills cop"

It behooves me to inform you that, no, Will Ferrell was not in Beverly Hills Cop nor its sequels. However, he was in Semi-Pro, which was pretty much the same thing, I'm sure.

is there any movies which katharine ross is stung by the bee?

I was completely befuddled by this until I learned that Katharine Ross was in The Swarm. So congrats, you strange, strange person, yes, Katharine Ross is in such a film.

how does ironman stop the blood poison?

He builds miniature Iron Man robots to fly into his blood and remove the poison by talking to them about complex financial transactions. ... Well, that would have been as about as entertaining.

why did mark hamill make corvette summer

This is otherwise known as 'the eternal question'. No, I tease, the reason Mark Hamill made Corvette Summer comes from, what I imagine, was an honest paycheck. For once. Mark.

why did they recast slinky dog

Slinky Dog is the most useful character in Toy Story 3 (he figures in to practically all of the stupid escape plots because he's one of the few toys with any sort of real abilities) and possibly because he's a popular tie-in toy as well. So, like everything else in Toy Story 3, Slinky Dog was recast for money. Money! Sweet money Pixar can cover their asses in.

who is dave foley playing in vampires suck

He played an actor completely desperate for a paycheck while also easily being the funniest part of the film. Glad they got their money's worth, at least.

which nickname is not one of the pilots in the movie top gun?

I had to read this a few times and, I have to say, "Not One of the Pilots" is a crappy nickname.

which character learns and grows the most in the secrets of jonathan sperry

What the hell were you looking for? A chart? Dammit, they're all fictional. Maybe Tanya gains an inch through the movie, but that's only because dirty, dirty puberty.

where can i look up movies from 1978

Do I have to say it? Wikipedia. Idiot.

whats the most violent part in vampires suck

It's all incredibly violent, though these keywords

vampire suc rip my mustash off

reveal which part was especially needlessly gross.

what is the moral of sweet smell of success by clifford odets

Hey Andrew-- what? Still crying over Date Night? It's okay, little buddy. The moral of The Sweet Smell of Success is pretty much the opposite of its title. The man who does everything he can to achieve wealth and power is undone by his own pathetic machinations. Falco is destroyed by being willing to do anything for money or success, and Hunesucker... well, he's just kind of a douche.

visit him on prison and her masturbate in movie

I-- uh, wait. What? I really want to enter this into Google and see which page this led to (if it isn't one of Andrew's I'll be shocked) (sorry, Andrew, it's wrong of me to kick you right after you'd been thinking of Date Night). But I won't because god knows that would somehow bite me in the ass. (When ass biting comes up in the keywords next year, we do now know why.) And, lastly, my favorite:

netflix how do you stop a movie

Yep.

And I think that does it for me. Happy 2011, everyone, let's hope this year sucks a lot less.

Posted by Danny

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