Date With An Angel (1987) - Can't Stop the Movies
Can't Stop the Movies

Date With An Angel (1987)

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Danny DISLIKEWhat a dumb movie. Date With An Angel plays upon the American fondness for angels, who are often portrayed as irreligious icons of purity and faith, and asks, hey, what would you do if an angel crash landed in your pool one night?

Oh man, and if that premise has you intrigued, wait until I throw some complications at you! What if you were a listless young man, with a fiance who's only into you because the screenwriter dictated it? And what if you have a trio of wacky friends always looking for a get rich scheme? Ineffectual parents? Big business domineering future father-in-law? Does any of this work for you?

No? Well, then you must want something more than this sitcom-y plot that feels dredged from a bad episode of "Growing Pains."

A spoiled rich girl?! I wonder if she'll learn a valuable lesson in the course of this film!

And in case you think the word 'sitcom-y' may be misapplied, trust me, it isn't. There's not a scene here that isn't played broadly enough that you could slap a wig on it and call it Liza Minelli.

Our protagonist is down on his luck, if you consider "down on your luck" being a weirdo loser who's somehow gotten engaged to a fairly sweet and rich girl. His three best friends kidnap him from their engagement party under the guess of a terrorist attack (always funny), and he's lead home to a modest bachelor party that seems to mostly involve a blow-up doll. His friends leave in the middle of the night, an angel crashes into the pool... god, I already went over this, didn't I?

The titular angel (and I do mean titular, she is played by Emmanuelle Béart after all) barely registers as she's thrown through a half dozen money making schemes by our protagonist's friends and family. She can't speak a word of English, and is only able to make noises that owe more than a little debt to dolphins. Our main character stands firmly beside her, though, and by that I mean he sits around waiting for her wing to heal.

If the chemistry between a shy dude and a beauty who speaks in chirps sounds like a blast, well, this movie is too crappy to even recommend it to you in that way. Replace Béart with a very valuable bird-- wouldn't change a thing about the movie. Replace her with a dog that knows how to roll over--wouldn't change a thing. Replace her with a cardboard cutout of Emmanuelle Béart-- well, it might actually be more sexy. But the character interactions just wouldn't change all that much.

Also of note, the gender roles in this film are ridiculous: the main character's mom's a total shrew, his fiance is a miserable jerk, and the angel is a mute sexpot.

One other important question that springs to mind, related to this whole mess: how does getting an erection from watching an angel bathe fit into God's plan?

I mean, if she literally cannot form the word 'no', then it's not rape, right?

Date With an Angel is an unbelievably mediocre film, a film that's concerned with religion up to its title and that's it. Heaven here is the usual gaggle of bright pink lines and new age melodies, and we get a brief scene involving the irritability of Catholic priests. The film tries so hard to be inoffensive that it's, well, offensively dumb.

Good job.

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Posted by Danny

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