Take Me Home Tonight (2011) - Can't Stop the Movies
Can't Stop the Movies
6Mar/110

Take Me Home Tonight (2011)

Danny no longer writes for Can't Stop the Movies, and can be reached at his fantastic site Pre-Code.com

Danny INDIFFERENT"Hey Danny," I can already imagine you saying to me sometime next week. "I just read your Take Me Home Tonight review."

"My review of what?" I'll ask. "Are you talking about my piece on Abba: The Movie?"

"What? No," you'll retort. "No one reads your crappy reviews of old movies. I'm talking about Take Me Home Tonight, which was a movie that's just pretending to be an old movie."

"What the hell does that mean?" I'll ask.

"It was set in the 80's. You seriously don't remember this, Danny?"

"I remember the 80's. I love the 80's, in fact. Go on."

"Uh, well you didn't seem to like Take Me Home Tonight very much. It's about a guy who works at Suncoast Video who pretends to work at Goldman-Sacs to try and woo his high school crush."

"That sounds familiar. I slept with my high school crush, you know. Didn't end well."

"You mention that along with several other extremely personal details about yourself in your review, Danny. Especially disturbing was the 'Wookie pants' thing."

"I am damned hairy."

"REGARDLESS. It's that movie! It has, like Anna Farris and Topher Grace."

"They're okay in stuff."

"And Christ Pratt is in it."

"He's great in "Parks and Recreation"! That's, like, the only good show on television."

"Well, you said that there's not much for him to do in this flick. Apparently he's supposed to be a bad guy but he's not that bad. In fact, there's not much for anyone to do."

"That sounds familiar, I guess."

"Also, like, Topher Grace spends five minutes of this movie just standing around, looking sad in the middle of a bunch of people dancing." "That sounds lame."

"Even worse, most of the film's comic relief comes from a fat guy who does coke left and right. Yeah, you said nothing happens you can't see happening from a mile away. Worse yet, the movie is full of setups but no jokes-- it felt like someone fed the script to a weed whacker."

"God, why don't I remember any of this?"

"There is a blond woman who plays Grace's sweetheart. You get to see her in her bra at one point. I think it was Kristen Stewart with a wig!"

"What, really?"

"No, it's some other woman. I was just trying to jog your memory. Ohh, there's a scene in a bathroom where the Jack Black wannabe does coke and tries to have kinky sex with a woman."

"Nope, you're not doing anything for me."

"Michael Beihn is in it."

"Nothing."

"It's really weird that you remember absolutely none of this. I mean it's completely forgettable and utterly disposable vapor but... Have you been feeling okay lately?"

"I... I don't remember."

"Oh my God, Danny!" you cry. "I just remembered-- you have Alzheimer's!"

"I don't remember that either!"

AND SCENE.

...

"Danny, how many times did you have to go reread the plot synopsis while writing this just so you could remember what actually happened?"

"Three. Three times."

Posted by Danny

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