A Talking Cat!?! (2013) - Can't Stop the Movies
Can't Stop the Movies

A Talking Cat!?! (2013)

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Part of me wishes I could sell-out for this movie.Warm family moments that bind us all together

A Talking Cat!?! is proof-positive that creative, optimistic spirits don't start and stop at titling a film.  Some critics out there won't be able to see the wonder that waits to enchant their children at bed-time.  Really, who doesn't look at Meowsers there in the windowsill and wonder what he's thinking?  Now we know, he's thinking an awful lot, and with just a bit of magic he might be able to help all of us.

Here comes an enchanting story that assumes just that - what if your cat could talk?  Two families are looking to reconnect and like a bunch of you parents out there I'm sure that you look at your kids sometimes and wonder just how to get back to the good ol' days of playing in the yard.  Well, just pop in this film and you'll see that not only is the traditional family unit alive and well, but with just a bit of faith you can accomplish anything.

Speaking of miracles - Eric Roberts' comeback story is one to spread around.  After parlaying his talents go-nowhere movies he's settled down as the kind of sassy guardian angel we'd all want in our lives.  He may sound grumpy at times, but if you had all these silly humans to show the light to, wouldn't you get a bit tired?  But he's got ways to get the holy spirit in 'em by way of a good old fashioned miracle.

For one weekend - forget Fido and spend some time with a fluffy feline ready to turn your life around.  I'm sure you'll give it two paws way up!

Then I just want it to mean anything.MY SOUL

Look.  There, at the stone.  The outcropping pouring water upon his cowardly head.  What kind of life is this?  One that is surrounded in artifice and rigid, unyielding structures.  There's no way to tell where you are from one moment, the next, reversing back.  Is this my beautiful wife?  Is this my beautiful home?  Perhaps another dip in the pool of confusion will do, letting the reflective and cooling waters reminding us of the hollow nature of our existence thrusting us into the cruel fate of mortality.

I was not prepared for this.  This...I was going to say silly but now that nomenclature feels unsubstantiated in the face of such nihilistic brilliance.  This provides a gaping view into the void.  A Talking Cat!?! takes a well-worn cliche of the Flintstones era and gives it startling new meaning.  The beasts of burden, long suffering because of our continued emotional and physical dependence on their existence, know how pointless it is in our houses of technology and design.

Why is there a dead tree wearing red leather high-heels?  Because you suffer inside.  Watch, and understand.  Eric Roberts knows.  He couldn't even comment on a fictional hollow without coming to work drunk every day.

I can't blame him.  Dare you?

But here's the truthReally it's just a bunch of thisAndrew INDIFFERENCE Banner

I decided to watch this film because it's a slow week for DVD releases, it's available on Netflix Instant, and this has already gotten people to say that it's The Room for talking animals.  To appropriate an old Dan Quayle insult, "I've watched The Room, A Talking Cat!?!, and you are no The Room."

Whatever buzz this generated centers around our collective desire to mock hilarious and earnest things that are also terrible, and to kick celebrities when they are down.  The recipient of this recent round of beating is Eric Roberts, who, in spite of my earlier joking, does seem like he went into the recording booth drunk every day.  At first the delivery was funny because he sounded like a mix between Peter Falk and Sam Elliott.  Then it began to grate on me like a bad caricature as I began to stop looking for things to laugh at and merely wanted each scene to end.

This is one of, if my rough estimation is correct, thirty or so project Roberts is going to be involved with this year.  If the law of averages is correct at least one of them will be good and I hope that one is.  But the other half of the bad movie treasure trove, the terrible earnest side, is not present at all in A Talking Cat!?!  The only thing that has the potential to stand up to criticism is Roberts' vocal performance.  Everything else is so sight I'm almost afraid talking about it will cause the film to shrivel up into non-existence.

Two families live in modernist architecture wonderlands situated next to lush forests and rivers.  They have problems that only a magical talking cat can solve.  Problems like - how do I make more money?  Can I be meaner to my brother and still become fabulously wealthy?  At what point will I be comfortable taking my clothes off in front of this girl introduced into the film with no name?  These are not the problems written by earnest filmmakers but people who have Eric Roberts, a digital camera, money, and two homes for a day and need to make a movie which helps explain why every performer barely acts in a room with someone else.

A Talking Cat!?! should be avoided even by bad movie aficionados.  I used to have weekly screenings of all the joys direct-to-DVD programming could offer and this one barely kept me laughing past the first twenty minutes.  But giving this film a drubbing isn't something to be proud of, just another sign that some seem to gain attention solely to make fun of a depressed and struggling performer and little else.

It's hardly worth a shrug, even with that creepy animated mouth.  Time to pack up the cats and move on.  Let's not stop for A Talking Pony!?! later this year.  Or My Stepbrother is a Vampire!?!  Or that other one about the puppy with the bunny ears.

This will never end.

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A Talking Cat - TailA Talking Cat!?! (2013)

Directed by David DeCocteau.
Screenplay written by Andrew Helm.
Starring Jason Roberts.

Posted by Andrew

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